What is the difference between men and women? joke
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
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Now two men talking joke
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
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Two women talking joke
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
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Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting,
he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a Boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door,
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said,
"Hello, son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied,
"Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend." The minister fainted.
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Testing Girl?
Never love a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never love a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
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After death
Wife asks her husband "after my death what u will do"?
Husband replies "even i will die my dear".
Wife says "y r u talking like that?".
Husband says "My happiness will kill me".
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Husband & Wife joke
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
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"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife
doesn't know about it yet."
Husband & Wife - Why ?
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Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
Why, Dad ?
Why,me?
Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
Husband & Wife - Same Service
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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor.
"You're still getting the same service!"
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
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One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out:
"Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him ?"
asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
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LIFE without girl friend!
Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend cool ..........
1.You can stare at any Girl.......
2.You don't have to spend money on her.
3.You won't get boring result in ur board papers.
4.No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
5.If u don't have a girlfriend ,she can't dump u.
6.Having a girlfriend is hot,not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.
7.This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.
8.You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.
9.girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.
10.You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.
11.You won't have to waste paper writing love letters No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop\place.
12.You can have more boy friends(Friends who r Boys) , as u will have more time for them.
13.You wont have to see boring love stories instead of action thrillers.
14.You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.
15.You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
16.You wont have to fight over having a 'special'friend with ur folks.
17.No nonstop nonsense.
18.You wont have drown in the pool of her tears!!!.
19.No tension.
20.You can be " URSELF "
21.You wont have to hide the telephone bills.
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Vehicle of life
Wife and Husband are like two tyres of a vehicle.
If any one punctures vehicle cannot move further.
So intelligent men always carry a stepney with them.
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Impossible?
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment,then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is an hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But,one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek,and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."
"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
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Baby planes
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from
Singapore to New York. The son (who had been looking out the window)
turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby
cats,why don't planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty
flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If
dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby
planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that
there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on
time.
Now, let your mother explain that to you."!!!
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